My Mind: Michele Faulkner

MY MIND

I find myself sitting, thinking, and drinking, Wondering what I should do to keep my mind from f*****g screaming, At times I want to do things I know I shouldn't do, But I really need to relieve some of the pain which I've been subjected to. I want to be a better person but I’m not really sure, How to make that happen or even where to start, All I really know is that life’s so f*****g hard. I was once told that we were born kings and queens that sit high upon thrones, But I’m not and never will be so I have to ask myself what’s wrong. When I go to sleep at night I see the most horrific things. I see fathers molest their daughters yet mothers standing by their man. What the f**k is wrong with these b*****s thinking he needs yet another chance? What the hell ever happened to blood being thicker than water? Or does it only work that way when the blood is not your daughter? I can’t help but to wonder if I’m the only one, Who thinks some people should be put to death, stoned or shot with a gun. I really thought I had rid myself of all the hatred inside, But I suppose to myself yet again I had lied. I can’t forget about my past and know not how to forgive, The people with whom I was unfortunately forced to live, My folks never said they loved me and therefore I never knew, How to deal with all the bulls**t they had taken me through. Maybe if I knew they loved me, I could say that they were just as lost. But all I can think of now is they have to pay the cost. The wages for their sins are death I just wish I could be the one, Appointed to pull the trigger on that double barreled gun, Ending life as they know it so all the shit could cease. For long as they walk the face of this earth I will not be at peace. If only there was a way to pull myself through, The memories of my past, Then maybe life would go on somehow, Without me always being so mad, Unfortunately that’s not the way things go in this life, Therefore all should be careful about f*****g with my head, Before they become victims of my past, And all wined up dead!!!!!!!!!!!

Michele Faulkner ©January 2011