Unaccepted: Interview with H3ndo

H3NDO has never felt accepted until he stopped searching for it. Dragged into the statistics of the single-parent household he refused to let that stigma follow him. Drowning in drug use almost all his life, he fought to keep his head above waters. Silent no longer, his music shows his pain, his ambition and how no one will ever filter his thoughts again. To be free is the greatest liberty. Free from abuse, neglect, acceptance, and pain. He no longer holds the burden to be "enough" for anyone. Everyday is new, mental illness has no consistency, and everyday H3ndo finds a new way to beat it. His music is a testament to what he has lived and seen. God has given him a gift. He can either become a beacon of hope to those who need him or be succumb to the many elements of darkness that follow. Only time will tell. This is the exclusive interview of H3ndo..Only at #v2  

Tell us who is H3ndo?

H3NDO is a man who endures nefarious drastic oppositions. My whole life I've had to really defend myself through torment, abuse, drug addiction, self-harm, and abandonment. And I'm still here

So tell us about your childhood.  

My childhood was fucked but it was fun. My pops dipped when I was a baby. Started a new family. But I got some cool siblings so I'm not tripping. I grew up in a not so friendly place when I was little but it wasn't like Compton. Moved to the burbs and ironically that's when shit got real. I started getting bullied, doing drugs, selling drugs, cutting myself, it was crazy

How do you feel about your father never being truly involved in your life?

When I was younger that shit used to erk me. Like I used to see white families and be jealous. I always wanted a life like Leave it to Beaver. Dad plays catch and cooks on the grill. Mom bakes pies for the neighbors. White picket fence shit. But now that I know my pops as a person I don't really want him in my life. He good where he at

You started using hard drugs at a young age. Why? What was your drug of choice?

I started doing drugs cause something always attracted me to them. My family has a history of drug addiction so maybe it's just in my genes. But a lot of it was the cause of my mental illness mixed with intense bullying mixed with my group of friends. When real life makes you feel like you aren't wanted you'll find a way to escape. Drugs found me honestly. I ain't really go looking. But when we met I didn't look back. And I still won't

You used to self-harm? Explain exactly what self-harming is? What triggers you to self-harm, and what was one of your worst episodes.

Self-harm can be anything from addiction, cutting, or telling/believing yourself you're worthless. Anything can trigger me cause I'm bipolar I just have to be careful on how I react. Bullying was a big trigger. Not having friends. Domestic abuse within the family. Wild shit like that. I honestly couldn't tell you my worst episode..I've been cutting for over a decade. There are scars on here that overlap other scars its kind of a blur. 

You used to be told you weren't "black" enough and teased a lot in high school. Did you ever feel any animosity towards African Americans for that? 

Lmfao most definitely. I didn't fw(like) black people for a minute. Matter of fact one of my best friends carved a swastika in his arm before. But now I don't be tripping off that. I know who I am and I'm proud. If being black enough means sagging your pants, abandoning your kids and not having an elegant vocabulary I don't wanna be black enough

You now are an advocate for racial injustices and believe in the Black Lives Matter movement. What changed your outlook? 

Honestly research. When I started learning about Malcolm X and the Black Panthers that shit woke me up. Then when I dug deeper and realized black and brown people have invented everything we use today it was tight. Malcolm X is one of my biggest role models. I don't f*ck with MLK though.

What has so far has been your favorite "moment" while being an artist? And what something you hope to accomplish before your career is over. 

My favorite moment was the first time someone told me my music changed the way they thought. I was at a bonfire with a bunch of my white friends lmao. This dude came up to me and said that shit. And I could tell he meant it. 

 If you had to break down your music with 3 artist- Who would you use? 

Erykah Badu, The Weeknd, Slipknot. Emphasis on Slipknot

How do you like your studio sessions? What is the perfect vibe for you? 

I need everyone to not speak to me when I'm writing. I tolerate it cause I don't wanna be rude but if everyone could shut up it would be great. But that's only if I am focused on something serious like an album. If I'm making remixes I'm usually having fun. But I have to be sober with no women around. And I need a cup of water

What type of music did you grow up on? And how do those influences transcribe in your sound today? 

I grew up on a ton of Gospel. Cece Winans and Yolanda Adams are goats frfr. My first rap album was a lil kim album. Then I got heavy into dipset, 50 Cent, Nas, Common, hella conscious rappers. Then I found out about metal and I put rap down for a long time. Metal and Gospel are the most honest genres of music.

You lost a friend to a drug overdose? Tell us about that moment in time in your life.

 That was the worst day of my life. Cause everybody thought Beau was invincible. Like I watched him O.D. with my own eyes before and come outta the hospital with only a 10% chance of living..so when he actually died and I couldn't do shit about it I blamed myself for a long time. Now I just try to cherish his memory. Beau Reilly was my nigga frfr

You were once admitted to a mental hospital? Why?

I was actually admitted twice. But I've been inside crisis centers like 8 times. It was always for self-harm. Like if it got wayyy too bad my mom would call the police and id spend a week in the hospital. I stayed in residential twice. Once when I was like 15-16 and next when I was 18

Tell us something you would like the world to understand about people battling with mental illnesses? 

We're not just FUCKING crying. We really deal with pain on a higher level than people. We are unaware that people have worse lives. And it isn't just teen anger..we need help. 

How is your relationship with your son? And why do you feel his birth saved your life?

 Malachi is my everything. I was selling drugs still before he was born and shit was getting too hot. So I put that life down and started focusing on my son..my life has found peace ever since. He's got teeth now and he's crawling. He's gonna be a bigger Icon than me one day

Any new music we can be looking forward to releasing soon? 

Yeah, I'm working on this new project for the fall. It's hella sad songs. Like think the weekend's old music as far as instrumentals and then real. dark honest lyrical content..i basically am the rap version of Abel Tesfaye

How did you overcome your hard drug usage? And do you have any advice to someone going through the same?

After I stopped doing heroin for good I realized my life was more important than my disease. Fuck anybody who doesn't think addiction isn't a disease. Its literally scientifically proven you dumb fucks. I advise anyone who's going through addiction to go to meetings and really learn to love themselves sober. Find a support system. Go to rehab. Get in touch with God. Realize that you're worth more than a needle in your arm

Any shout outs, Projects, sites. Where can the people of Viralvoice find H3ndo? 

(good to share websites talk about u

Shout to Buggs and the whole Full Circle. Shoutout to Garden State Pusha and the Round Table. Shoutout to God. You can find my music on soundcloud.com/unigoat

My instagram in hendo609_ and if you wana really connect look for me as Josh Henderson on Facebook. If there's anyone out there suffering know that I love you and that you deserve to love yourself.