White Mother Raising Two Black Sons Explains The Challenges

 

White Mother Raising Two Black Sons Explains The Challenges

California mom Kriston Howerton recently sat down with Yahoo Parenting to talk about the many joys and challenges of raising Black sons in America.

For Kristen Howerton and her husband, Mark, the decision to adopt two black sons wasn’t tough. But as white parents, they admit it can be tough to talk to their boys and two biological daughters about racism.

“You can’t not think about racial bias … just look at the bias in adoption: The fact is that in our state, 7 percent of adopting couples are open to black children. Seven percent,” the Costa Mesa, Calif., mother of four tells Yahoo Parenting about forming her transracial family: sons Jafta, 10, adopted from L.A. County foster care; Kembe, 9, adopted from Haiti; and daughters India, 9, and Karis, 6. “You can’t go into adoption and know those statistics without understanding that our country has a race problem. … And it’s absolutely heartbreaking to think of the challenges that [my sons] will face based on these factors that are irrelevant to their character.”

Adoption was always on her agenda, though, says Kristen, 40, who decided to pursue it with Mark, 42, after she experienced several miscarriages. “I was very aware that black children, and specifically male black children, were overrepresented in foster care.” With two biracial males already in her extended family, Kristen says, “I just felt like we could very comfortably adopt black males. So our criteria was wide open, but I knew that by doing that, it would be most likely that our placement would be a black child.” When Jafta was placed with them when he was 6 months old, she says, “We were thrilled.”

As the white mother of two black sons, Kristen says she is constantly talking with her kids about race. “It’s easy to go into transracial adoption thinking love is all you need,” she says. “That your love will transcend, that color doesn’t matter. But it really does matter, and we’re noticing that absolutely more and more as our boys are getting older.”

Something as simple as playing outside in the dark and wearing a hoodie also becomes a serious conversation…

When her sons play is another factor that the family considers due to race. “In our neighborhood, at dusk a lot of the kids play hide-and-seek, and it’s dark,” says Kristen. “People are coming home from work, and there’s kids running around the neighborhood, and I think, I have a black son who’s as tall as me. He can’t be running through people’s yards at night.”

What Jafta and Kembe choose to wear isn’t always easy either, sparking talks about racial profiling and Trayvon Martin. “We’ve had conversations about hoodies as well,” she says. “It’s just one of those little decisions that you make as a parent. When we’re buying a hoodie, I’m going to buy a hoodie in a bright color.” She reveals that she asks herself, “What’s my kid going to look like walking down the street in this hoodie? How can I skew it to not have people make assumptions about him? Which is horrible. It’s a horrible way to have to think. But it’s life.”